Freedom

I have a small fear to post this writing.  Not because of the useless person I speak of (although no names are mentioned), but because I do not want someone to stumble upon my works and find it in their pathetic being to report me like a coward.  The last thing I need is that kind of adversity to stop me from earning my reward.  But, it sure is a shame to let this story go untold.  I thought perhaps another time when I was not at this place I could show my true feelings.  But, like my father always says, “You might as well say it as to think it.”  Well Dad, I agree and far be it for me to disobey the teachings of the most incredible man that has walked this planet.  So, here it is.  Realize that no one is forcing you to read this and I encourage you to stop now as it may be offensive.  If you know of whom I speak then you will either truly enjoy this story or find it pretty sad that someone can think this lowly of another human being.  Everything I say is true–even if my words are derogatory towards the bastard I speak of.  Anyway, if you so choose to do so, please enjoy as you read on!

Oustide I can look and see the dreary day that is coming to an end.  The sky is grey and every now and again you can see a snowflake make its way to the ground for what is its last ride.  People pass by bundled up, awaiting spring break to be here.  But for now, being stuck in this midwest town, the cold and windy day encircles the bodies of those clinging tight to a scarf, walking in close proximity to one another to feel the warmth.  Inside, I am baking.  But, I have a luxury those on the outside of my mind do not.  I know my thoughts.  My music plays lightly in the background while a fan that bounces around hot air interrupts the melody of music.  My mind has taken a turn to anger and I am trying everything in my power to control it.  You see, today was the day that cemented my freedom from this dreadful place.  

I have made amazing friends at the place I shall refer to as “Hitler’s Palace”.  Some I will take with me to the very grave.  They make me a better person.  Yet, when I find myself alone my thoughts sometimes turn to the hatred of an individual who, even without him recognizing it, has gotten his payback.  I am part of the ”terrible” program here, and it has been the worst two years of my life.  My reward will be rendered useless in just a few short years, yet something inside of me refuses to leave.  I want what is to be my first advanced “reward.”  The only problem is that, unlike alot of ”warriors” here, I have to earn it all on my own.  The person who is supposed to be my number one supporter refuses to give me a shred of help.  Everytime I go to him I hear the same BS response, “This is your baby.  I am not going to hold your hand.”  Well, I don’t want anyone to hold my hand, but I would’ve liked some advising and guidance.  Instead, I was thrown to the sharks and made to swim as fast as I can. 

A part of our ”training” here at Hilter’s Palace is a presentation once a year to the entire Palace.  The first time I spoke to the Palace (warriors and workers), I was attacked.  My ”number one supporter” was no-where to be found.  He had made an excuse and missed it.  A person who is supposed to be there for help if I am stumped on questions was at home pretending to work.  He knew we had nothing; a truth I had not yet recognized.  After being ripped apart by the workers, I was ready to quit.  But he showed up, conveniently just as I had finished, and gave me a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.  Discouraged, I talked to other people, warriors and workers from our Palace and other palaces, who gave me advice.   However, the person I was to lean on was rarely to be found.  I was discouraged and tempted to quit.  But I was afraid to.  He had struck a bit of fear in me.  This being a rarity, I did not know how to respond.  I had all but given up.  After a while, I was so far behind on my work that he called me into his office and threatened to stop me from “earning my reward and freedom.”  The nerve of this guy.  But, that kick in the pants was what I needed.  I got back on track, but our relationship was too far gone–at least in my eyes.  I knew my next move.  Use him for what I need and prove him wrong. 

In the mean time, we had a new edition to our group.  This young man was nice and promising.  Smart guy.  He was everything the number one supporter wanted: he was me with one added detail–he was in a relationship.  Now this may not make sense, but love is the number one thing that makes you respectable in the eyes of the number one supporter.  This is really where things became cruel.  But, I still managed.  I got what I needed from him and in just a few short weeks, I will be in the next stage of my life.

Just last ”training term” I was to give my second presentation.  Again, he was not there.  That was ok this time though.  I know more about my work than anyone on this ”site of palaces” does.  I would put my knowledge against the people who created this program that my reward is on.  Circumstances led to my presentation being cancelled.  I was kinda upset–ready to kick @$$ and take names this time.  But as I said, he wasn’t there anyway to see me achieve greatness while making sure he did not get any credit.  Let’s fast forward.  Enter my co-warrior’s presentation.  Guess who was there?  That’s right–the person who is supposed to be my number one supporter. 

Let’s take a minute to pause: I refrain from calling the number one supporter a man because in my eyes he has no idea what a man is.  He never was nor will he ever be one.

Now, our number one supporter actually runs the ”training sessions” we are supposed to present in, so he is supposed to be there.  But, there were numerous times he was not and made my co-warrior take over his duties.  Imagine, a warrior having to fill in for his number one supporter.  Pretty pathetic but a reality.  However, he made sure he was there this time.  When my co-warrior was through, the barrage of questions came.  He answered ok but he had support.  Everytime my co-warrior stumbled he was picked up by the person I refer to as the number one supporter.  While I was left to die on my presentations, the vultures in this palace ripping out my eyeballs and raping me as I screamed bloody murder, the co-warrior was taken in and given shelter–protected from the beasts that were dying to be unchained and feast.  This kind of unreasonable treatment has not gone unnoticed though.  People see the situation.  The only problem is that fellow warriors don’t have much of a say.  But their support and kind and sympathetic words and actions keep me going. 

I will not pretend that I am completely innocent in this.  However, I come from a family of strong, independent people.  We make things work.  Never give up.  Always bettering ourselves.  But, if you “shit” on us, it is over.  You only get one time to mess up.  Then it is over and we, I, will never let it happen again.  Oh there is room for forgiveness civility, but I remember what happened so that I can avoid the situation entirely and never allow it to rise up again.  I have created distance from the person who is supposed to be my number one supporter.  I wait for this thing to come to a head, but I tell you, that will be a grave mistake on his part.  I disgust myself with the ill feelings I have towards him.  But at the same time, I must thank him.  His lack of advising and uselessness as a human being has made me stronger, smarter, and more independent.  I can find what and who I need to help me all on my own.  I have become self-reliant.  I will not give him the credit that he made me this way, but his worthless actions as an advisor have sharpened my skills.  I will ”earn my reward and freedom” without his help–and I will make it known that I worked basically all on my own.  My satisfaction is in the fact that him and I have one thing in common; at the end of this semester, neither of us will be at Hitler’s Palace.  He is getting let go and I am earning my reward and freedom. 

     

Chernobyl

Chernobyl

 

The nuclear incident at Chernobyl is something that I really didn’t learn about until the last couple of years when the guys at The Means posted a link to a photo journal of Chernobyl in the present. Now, 20 years after an explosion in Nuclear Reactor #4, citizens in the area are still feeling the effects of the radiation.

 

I invite you to take a look at the aftermath of a nuclear meltdown.

 www.kiddofspeed.com

http://www.pixelpress.org/chernobyl

Magic

For quite some time I have been very interested in magic.  Most people don’t know simply because friends rarely appreciate the hobbies that mean the most to you.  Walking down the street, I can do multiple things to stun the mind.  I can make a coin vanish into thin air–and re-appear in your pocket.  I can push a coin through glass, pull a coin from thin air, make a flower dance in mid-air.  Not to mention the various card tricks that I know.  What if I tied my shoelaces for you without touching them?  Hell, that’s nothing.  I can even levitate.  But, only certain people have ever been treated to these illusions.  I find when you suprise people with the talent, they are more accepting.  They always ask the same question too; “How did you do that?”  I am hear to tell you, they never really want to know.  I hope you don’t either.  For once you know the answer, the magician becomes nothing.  My life is full of secrets–much like most of yours.  The only difference is, no one even knows I have secrets.

The best tricks in life are the ones that we pull off right in front of your face and you miss it.  We know we did something amazing.  Yet, the only question you can ask yourself is “did that really just happen?”  The secret is that what you believe is an illusion is real, and what you believe is real is only an illusion.  What most people miss is that we are all intertwined in one way or another.  We are connected.  Do me a favor.  Using two different numbers, odd numbers…think of a number between 1 and…50.  Got it?  Good. 

As  humans, we have an ability to feel each other out no matter what.  Think about it for a second.  I don’t care if you think about your best friend, your significant other…or a man or woman in Pakistan or in the deepest darkest jungles of this planet.  You know what their facial expressions mean.  A smile is a smile.  A laugh is a laugh.  It means happiness.  Tears, frowning, yelling…depending on the mood, they’re easy to figure out too.  We are all connected in one way or another.  By the way, I think your number was 37.

We are all connected by what seems to be magic.  But honestly, we are connected by much more.  Things in life are representations of what we all know.  I bet there aren’t too many people on the planet who don’t know what a deck of cards is.  Do you know the wonder of a deck of cards?  Check this out!  A deck is evenly divided into red and black cards, analagous with day and night.  There are 52 cards, and 52 weeks in our year.  Four suits of cards and four seasons in our year.  13 cards per suit–you guessed it, 13 lunar cycles in a year.  Finally, if we make a Jack=11, Queen=12, and King=13, the cards add up to 365.  Cards are phenomenal.  They are living, breathing organisms.  Take out a deck now.  Feel them in your hands.  I want to do something for you.  Start off by shuffling your cards.  Now, I want you to make 3 piles of 7 cards each, face down.  Square the piles.  You won’t need the other cards.  These 21 cards are special.  You chose them for a reason.  Now, pick a pile in front of you, anyone you would like.  Cut to a card.  See that card?  Remember it.  Now, place the cards you have in your hand on either of the other 2 piles.  Cut some cards from the other piles and put them on top of the pile with your card.  Go ahead and put the rest of the cards on top of the pile with your card in it.  Got it?  You should have one pile with the 21 magical cards, still face down.  Ok.  Now pick them up and deal out 3 cards, turning them face up, in a row from this pile.  Now, deal a second row on top of your first row, slightly overlapping.  Keep doing this until all cards are dealt.  You should have 3 columns of face-up cards (7 in each column).  Let’s pick your card. 

Think of your card and give it to me.  Ok.  Here we go.  I don’t think your card is in column one whatsoever.  Just remove that column.  Your card also isn’t either of the top 2 cards in column 2.  Get rid of them.  There is no way it is the bottom 4 cards in column 3, remove them.  OK.  Let’s think some more.  I got it!  It is not the bottom card of the second column.  Get rid of it.  It also isn’t any of the top 3 cards in coulmn 3.  Forget about it!  Now, if we eliminated correctly, we have 4 cards left.  It isn’t the top 2.  Remove them.  2 cards to go.  And guess what?  You know the answer and so do I.  It isn’t the bottom card.  If I am right, 20 cards are face down next to your original card.

 Ok, so we see how magic can be fun.  It can be done anywhere.  I’m not even sure what time you are reading this.  But, if you are doing my trick above, you and I are connected.  I picked your card, and didn’t even know you were here reading this.  Want to know the secret?  Well my friend, at one time I did too.  I discovered it, and went from there.  But remember, if you are willing to become obsessed with secrets, you must follow through.  Our code is secrecy.  Don’t tell anyone how you do the tricks you do.  You become nothing.  This rings true in life and your endeavors as well.  No one wants to know everything about you.  Even if they say they do.  Always keep a bit of mystery in your life.  It is entertaining, and well worth it.  Until we meet again, ladies and gentlemen.  Are you watching closely?

Lying

Most of you have no idea that I was born in Kentucky and lived there until I was about 13 years old.  Now, the funny thing is that I have no southern accent.  That happens when you get the mid-western twang engrained into your spirit.  Let me tell you, I cannot wait to get outta Ohio.  At any rate, you may not have guessed this, but living in Kentucky–there just isn’t much to do.  But, I did take along some good stories.  I’ll never forget this one:

When I was just about to leave Pikeville, I was pretty depressed.  I went out walking with my cousin three days before I was to move away.  We visited our favorite spot, an old train graveyard.  We would climb up in the old train cars and start little fires if it was cold, or just chill out there and talk about stuff–usually cooties and the factthat at that age I would rather kiss a dog on the nose than a girl on the cheek.  During this particular trip, we ran across something that was strange to both of us–something we had never seen before.  It was a huge hole.  I am not talking about big, I am talking about a monstrosity so deep that we could not see the bottom.  Not being that smart of a kid (and still not that smart of a young man) I thought it was probably that Grand Canyon I always read about on barnyard walls.  I picked up a rock and threw it down the hole but nothing happened.  We listened and never heard it hit the bottom.  Since we couldn’t see the bottom, that was all we had.  Chad, my cousin, picked up an even larger rock and tossed it down.  Listening…listening…listening…nothing!  What the hell was this thing?  After a few attempts with the same result, we found this massive railroad tye.  We figured why not.  Last shot.  It took both of us to carry it back to the bottomless pit.  With one gigantic heave (on the count of 3…wait wait…throw on three…or one, two, three then throw?  throw on three.  got it!), we tossed this thing down the hole.  Waiting…waiting…all of a sudden! Something happened we did not expect.  After a second or two, a goat came running by and just jumped down the hole.  We still never heard a thud or anything, but this was completely puzzling.  After a few glances back and forth between the hole and each other, we decided to walk away and just forget about it.  Let’s go to the pond and swim.  Ok.

We turned on our heels and headed away for the pond.  Just as we got over the small hill to jump the fence to the pond, we ran across an old codger I will never forget.  He was about 6 feet tall, gray hair, slight hunch, fake right eye, and slicked back gray hair.  He had tan skin, wore a short sleeve blue pocket t-shirt with the sleeves rolled up, faded blue jeans with the legs rolled slightly, and black shoes.  He was a good lookin’ gent–the kind you see working the garden.  Strong even though he had that hunch.  Anyway, he looked at my cousin and I, and I will never forget the conversation that ensued.

Man: Hey youins seen a goat round here?

Chad: Nope, we haven’t seen one, sir.

Lewis: Wait, that ain’t so.  We saw one a few minutes ago.  He ran right by us and jumped down that hole, he did, mister.

Man: Ran down a hole? 

Chad: That’s right, mister.  Just ran and jumped right down it!

Man: Where was this hole?

Lewis: Over yonder (thumbed over to the other side of the small hill).

Man: Strange.  Well, nope, anyway.  That one wouldn’t have been mine.  Mine couldn’t have gotten that far.  He was tied to a railroad tye…

 

Saved

I wanted to come out and let people know that my faith is unwavering in Christ.  I have been a Christian since high school, and I will be the first to admit I do now always portray that life.  I know I swear sometimes, I talk about sex and sexual relationships, and get angry.  I am not saying at all that this is right, but you know it does do two things: 1) Allows me to remember I am saved and 2) Shows everyone that I am human.  Listen, Christians fight a tough fight.  I have an array of emotions just like every other human being.  But, I have accepted Christ as my Savior, and I want to work hard for Him.  So when I give into things of this world, it hits me hard.  What’s worse, it portrays that I am weak in my faith.  People see me acting a fool and saying/doing things I shouldn’t, and they think Christians are people who say that is what they are because they don’t know what else to call themselves.  Let me make it clear, God is still working on me.  I would die for my faith.  I try daily to live by the Bible and the Christian code of ethics.  It isn’t because it is cool, but because it is what I believe.  And I am going to be honest here; because I am a man of God, of Christ, I am tempted more than most.  We as Christians are tempted in such ways so we may have victories for Christ.  In these victories, we can be a shining example, a beacon of light, to what the Holy Spirit can do, and has done, in our lives.  But, I cannot do it by myself.  So, I pray to God because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I need Him and a real intimate relationship with Him.  But at the same time, I recognize that I am a sinner.  You do not have to read this.  It may get lengthy, and it may sound preachy.  I hope that maybe it convicts some of you, as well as me.  The Bible says that the truth of our faith will offend.  I am here to offend you by talking about my faith.  So, either stop now, or hopefully the Spirit takes hold of you, of me, and starts us off in a direction of the faith-walk.

 

So, let us talk about a big question.  How can we call ourselves Christians when we do things that are not Christian-like?  The answer is simple, but the concept is difficult.  The Bible (I refer to the Bible because I believe that it is God’s word.  We do not worship the Bible, but it is written by the divinity of God and is His rules; His love letter, and rest assured, it is flawless) tells us that once saved, always saved.  No man can pluck you from the hand of the Father.  Sounds kind of strange doesn’t it?  I mean, that literally means you can accept Christ into your heart, and then live a sinner’s life and still go to Heaven.  But, let’s be honest.  If you accept Christ, you accept Him and His entire teachings.  He tells us how to live.  Wouldn’t it make sense to follow His guidance?  If we do that, then that means even though we can live a sinner’s life, we wouldn’t want to because we know the glory that awaits us if we don’t.  You can feel Christ tug at your heart when you do things you should not be doing.  People call it a conscience, but come on.  You know that a higher power is pulling at your soul.  Where do you think our knowledge of right and wrong comes from even if we have not been taught it?  Christ is there.  I know it is hard to be a Christian and still live in this world.  When drinking, partying, and sex are so prevalent, the temptation is intense.  When you avoid these things, they are victories.  God doesn’t tell you to avoid these things because He is boring, He is looking out for your well-being.  Drinking kills any inhibitions we have.  Sex is a sacred act reserved for two people who vow to become one (marriage).  If God thinks that sex is sacred, shouldn’t we?  I know it doesn’t seem like a big deal, and I could write numerous times about sex and marriage, but this is a small insight to it.   All of these things of the world are fun and feel good.  Sex is healthy.  But, like all things of health, there is a time and place for it.  Anyway, this is not a sex talk; it is about a walk in faith.  I just want to caution against immediate gratification and sin compared to winning a victory for Christ and your faith.  I think it will feel better in the long run. 

 

Continuing with the same idea, I hope this relates to some of you.  We all call God the Father.  The reason we do this is because He says that He is our Heavenly Father.  So, I hope that we all understand that we can live a life of sin, truly believe Christ is our Savior, get into Heaven, and live an eternity of peace and happiness; but we don’t do that because we want to be a living testimony of what Christ can do in our lives.  I think of it this way: My dad is amazing.  He even honored me by giving me his name.  He fell in love with my mother, and they brought me into this world (their best decision ever!).  Sometimes, I upset my dad a lot.  I get angry, I mouth off to him, and I have even said some hurtful things.  In short, I broke a commandment and did not honor him.  But, to this day, I have an excellent, wonderful, loving relationship with him.  He is my rock and my number one supporter.  I have done things to him that is wrong, yet he still loves me and cares for me.  He has taken me back every single time I have disobeyed, angered, and hurt him.  Now, that is an earthly man.  He is strong and unwavering in his faith, but he is only human, and knows only a human love.  The King of kings, the Heavenly Father, the Creator of love (get that?  The CREATOR of love), surely knows more about love than any of us.  His is unconditional.  No matter what we do, He loves us.  If your earthly dad can love and forgive you, God can do one better.  He can forgive you, and forget what you have done.  He wipes the slate clean and we start fresh.  God knows something about love.  So, my non-Christian reader, be confident that Christians will make mistakes, stumble and fall, and we will hurt our Father.  But, He forgives us just as an earthly father would.  Christians, if you struggle with this, I do too.  But, I know in my heart this is what happens because the Bible tells me so.  Since the Bible is God’s words, that means God tells me so.  If you make a mistake and fall, get up, wipe yourself off, and tell your Father you are sorry.  But mean it.  Saying sorry should be followed by a look at character.  Where did I go wrong?  Here.  Ok, I will try my hardest to never do this again.  That is a sincere apology to God.

 

If you are afraid, or doubtful, about the Christian faith and who Christ is and what He can do for you, it is ok.  I am talking to everyone here; Christians and non-Christians.  If you are a Christian and have never doubted, then I don’t believe you are a Christian.  Re-evaluate your life.  Temptations are there for a reason.  Non-Christian friends, if you still doubt–no worries.  I hope this at least brings some thoughts into your mind about what Christ can do for you and what his love means.  It is unconditional, and it will never fail.  All you have to do is believe.  Give in a little.  If you feel any kind of tugging, or thinking, at all, please talk to a friend, a pastor, a priest, a stranger that is a Christian.  Hear their story.  I do NOT believe you can get to Heaven without knowing Christ as your Savior.  So, please, get to know Christ and come home with me.  I love you here; think about how much I will love you at our eternal home.  Get yourself into a good Bible-based church and listen to the Word of God.  Let it fill you.  Drink it in with a desire to know the truth.  It is there.  The Bible has never failed to be proven right.  If there are things that still have not been proven right in the Bible, just give it time.  In time, all things are revealed.  The Bible has stood the test of time. 

 

Friends, I encourage you to step out and be counted among the saints.  We are all seeking for the truth.  I believe that we try to concern ourselves with the facts and ignore the truth.  Do not fall into this way of thinking.  Christ is what we are all seeking.  You cannot find healing or a saving grace in anything of this world.  What does it prophet a man who has gained the world, but lost his soul?  My friends, the faith-walk is worth it.  You will stumble, you will fall.  You will doubt, fear, hate, and cry.  But, you will also be filled with the love of Christ, and He will show you the way.  He will show you why we truly wake up every morning and live our lives.  In this lost generation, there is a way, light and truth to follow; His name is Jesus Christ.  If you want to learn more, or need some guidance, talk to some friends.  Also, take a look at a devotional and a book called What Every Christian Ought to Know.  I think we will all benefit from these things.  Remember, God is still working on us all.  We will have troubles and worries, but we can lean on the cross and leave our troubles there.  Christ will help you and love you.  Think about it, and you have any questions, let me know.  I am always willing to give some more insight and tell you what I believe.  I do not know all of the answers, but I think I can help in our walk together.  I write this with love and the desire to see all of us become closer to God through Jesus Christ.  Until next time…